Luka the Ferret

US President George W Bush has given his first interview to the BBC in almost seven years. The transcript of his conversation with BBC World News America with presenter Matt Frei has been published in the BBC News website.

However, spymaster Luka the Ferret has heroically infiltrated the BBC and informs us that in reality the interview was heavily edited! Astutely disguising as a human, and on top of that astutely disguising as a reporter, our intrepid ferret has been able to provide us with a COMPLETE and UNAUTHORIZED transcript of the conversation in which we realize how full of transparencerity Mr Bush really is! If only the media would let the man speak his heart and mind more often…

Matt Frei: Mr President, thanks for joining us. You’re famous for saying that you don’t believe in opinion polls. You are also famous for being the most hated man on the planet – but maybe I shouldn’t mention this so the audience will forget for a while.

President George W Bush: Yeah!… [pause] I like to open up with assertive responses in presidential style, you know.

Frei: Do you have any idea how you rate in the countries that you’re going to be visiting in Africa?

Mr Bush: No, sir. I don’t have any idea. As if I cared.

Frei: But, I’ve got news for you and it’s good news. Not that you care, of course.

Mr Bush: All right, sir. If it’s good news I care.

Frei: You rate pretty well. It’s sort of - you know, in the average 80s… Is that one of the reasons why you’re going there? This is one the parts of the world where you’re still very popular? Now that I just subtly praised you I hope you don’t mind that I pretend I’m being a little ‘challenging’ by suggesting that you only visit welcoming places.

Mr Bush: I - I go where needed, sir. And - no, I’m going there because I’ve got a firm commitment to Africa, which is a heartfelt continent, and has ever been a continent since I became president. They also have blacks in Africa like the ones we used to have in New Orleans. General interest - national interest that we have people who are suffering from disease and hunger and hopelessness… which we didn’t happen to cause this time. The only way a radical can recruit is to find somebody who’s hopeless. In a way it all comes back to the war on radicals and nucular weapons. I mean, their vision is, like, really dark and dim and black, which is natural and shouldn’t be discriminated. Plus - I believe without to whom much is given, much is required. And - America’s without to whom been given a lot. And it’s without to whom required of us to help those that suffer in their suffering. That’s a Biblicational notion. So… mine is a mission of mercy and a mission of the cold realism of the world in which we live – based upon the realism of the world in which we live – which translates into cold mercy.

Frei: Your administration has given $15bn to treat Aids in Africa? I hope it sounds like a casual question and not like further praise.

Mr Bush: Yeah… [pause] Ask something else because I’m not getting any ideas coming this way.

Frei: Which is an unprecedented amount of money, and you want to double that amount yet again?

Mr Bush: Yeah… [pause]

Frei: O…K…? Anyway, this is a huge commitment. And, yet, the administration and you, personally, don’t seem to be getting a lot of credit for it. May I give you some credit?

Mr Bush: Yeah - you know, this is kind of tied to your first question about polls. Polls are nothing more than just, like, a puff of air. What matters is results and I get to decide what is a result and what’s not, cause I am the Decider. And, ultimately, people will be able to make, you know, an objective judgment – like my own – of a president and his administration and, in this case, a country’s commitment. And so I care really about is the results of the programs. I hope by now people have learned that I’m not one of these guys that - really gives a darn about elite opinion, which is my own opinion. So I don’t care about my own opinion as it is a puff of air. Nor about any opinion whatsoever. What I really care about is, are we saving lives? Nope, but your opinion may change as mine did if you ask the pharma boys. They don’t think it’s a puff of air, and I respect their opinion. Which may or may not be saving lives. As I mentioned in my speech that you kindly listened to - when I first went to Sub-Saharan Africa, 50,000 were receiving antiretrovirals. Today, 1.3 million. And that’s a lot of dope in a very quick period of time. But, there’s so much more suffering. And that’s why I’ve called for a doubling of aids – to end their suffering. Besides, talking about Africa is much better than talking about Iraq. The good news is we don’t get to do all the spending, it’s not just America. As I kindly mentioned in my speech, the G8 nations also are supporting this very important initiative. And, you know, it’s… like an effort of cold mercy.

Frei: But, it has made a huge difference, hasn’t it? So…

Mr Bush: Yeah… [pause]… (de-dum-da-daaa)…

Frei: Why not take some credit for it? I mean it’s in the script the thing about giving yourself some credit, so I have to ask.

Mr Bush: Because it’s just not my nature, you know? I’m as natural as global warming. You just gotta understand about me, I’m more interested in seeing results and sharing the credit with the American people. I’m really compassionative… compassioner… or whatever you wanna call it. I mean, this is not a George Bush oomph effort. I just happened to be the Commander Decider Guy of a nation that’s willing to fund this kind of money. And so, I kindly praised Congress in my speech. I kindly praised the American [people] in my speech. After all, they’re the ones who kindly funded the cold mercy.

Frei: You were very tough in your speech about Darfur. And, yet again, you called what’s happening there genocide? By the way, it would be best if you elaborated a little beyond “yeah”, Mr President.

Mr Bush: Yeah! … [pause]

Frei: Is enough being done by your administration to stop that? I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m putting words in your mouth.

Mr Bush: I think you are, thanks. Yeah. You know, I – well, it’s really Dick, but nobody knows – had to make a seminal decision. I just learned that word today. Means like really important. And that is whether or not I would commit US troops into Darfur for some booms and bangs. And I was pretty well backed off of it by - you know, a lot of folks here in America, like Dick and Condi, sometimes referred to as Condick, that care deeply about the issue of not making me look bad. And so, once you make that decision, then you have to rely upon an international organization like the United Nations to provide the oomph and ouch – necessary manpower… You know, I read somewhere that they did call it (SOUND GLITCH) genocide, so I called it that way too to show off my reading knowledge and I think we’re the only nation that has done some reading. Not that we want to commit any oomphs or anything. Secondly, I did remind people that we’re sanctioning leaders. That we have targeted [Sudanese] companies and individuals, including a rebel leader whose name I forgot, who have yet to be constructive in the peace process. We [are] beginning to get a sense of these things as they’re affecting behavior. It’s good affecting behavior, especially with oomphs and bangs and booms. We’re trying to ask others, by the way, to do the same oomph thing. Some of who are reluctant; some who aren’t; some who are in between; and some who are all or none of the above. And then, finally, I pledged that we’ll help move troops in for some professional bring-‘em-on-boom-banging. And yeah, and as I also said you might remind your listeners, that I’m frustrated by the peace – I mean the pace.

Frei: I’ll get on to that in a minute. But, I mean, genocide is just a loaded - it’s such an important word, like seminal. And you have committed troops - American troops around the world in other cases throughout… Afghanistan… Why not in this case?

Mr Bush: Well, that’s a good question, sir. I mean, we’re committing equipment, you know? Training, help, movement and non-movement. And that means committed money, you know? I think a lot of the folks who are concerned about America into another Muslim country – as in Islamic. Some of the relief groups here just didn’t think the strategy would be as effective as it was. I mean, actually, believe it or not, I sometimes listen to people’s opinions. Do you believe me? Whatever. Anyway, I chose to make this decision because decisions are to be chosen in order to be decided. It’s a decision that I’m now living with because it’s the stuff of leaders to live with. And it’s a decision that requires us to continue to rally the conscience of the world around Sudanese oil and people, which are both black like their hopelessness, none of which should be discriminated, and get people to focus on the issue and away from other issues. You know, you’re right. I mean, we sent marines into Liberia, for example, to help stabilize the country there. And Liberia’s on my itinerary where I’ll meet with the first woman – who has a name – you know, elected president in Africa history, which is a continent and which has been a continent in the past and so has history. And - but, I just made the decision I made cause I’m the Decider First Man.

Frei: Yesterday, Steven Spielberg - the Hollywood director - pulled out of the Beijing Olympics over Darfur. He said the Chinese aren’t doing enough to stop the killing in Darfur. Do you applaud his move? I know it sounds like I’m only talking about Darfur in order to make you look like you are concerned about people, but I didn’t make up these questions.

Mr Bush: That’s up to him, sir. I’m going to the Olympics, don’t know about you. I already got tickets and I’m not wasting them, sir. I view the Olympics as a sporting event. You bet it’s a sporting event. Perhaps even a betting event. On the other hand, I have a little different platform than Steven Spielberg, who I don’t believe is a Commander Guy so, I get to talk to President Hu Jintao and not everyone gets to do that. And I do remind him that he can do more to relieve the oil and suffering in Darfur. There’s a lot of issues that I suspect people are gonna, you know, opine, about during the Olympics, like who is gonna lose their medals for being most doped and if the flame will light up at the first go. I mean, you got the bald head wierdos of the Dali Lama crowd. You’ve got global warming folks – I mean Natural Climate Change folks. They are not getting any medals or lighting any torches but you’ve got, you know, Darfur and all those Sub-Saharan athletes doped with antiretrovirals… I am not gonna you know, go and use the Olympics as an opportunity to express my opinions to the Chinese people in a public way cause I’ll be on holiday and cause I do it all the time with the president. I mean – forgot what I was gonna say… [pause]… (de-dum-daaa)… Oh yeah: So, people are gonna be able to choose - pick and choose how they view the Olympics: on pay per view, or like the Big Guys like me, next to the Chinese first man. And I respect that decision. The American people will respect that decision.

Frei: The Chinese government has been saying - part in response to this that - “America is [slipping back into] Cold War thinking.” You know what the Cold War was, don’t you?

Mr Bush: Yeah, the thing about Alaska or Siberia. Well, you know, just because we have cold mercy doesn’t mean that… I think that’s just a brush back pitch, as we say in baseball, and a puff of air, as we say in politics, metaphoronetically speaking. It’s… America is trapped in this notion that we care about human life. I mean, folks are having trouble getting over it. We respect human dignity. Hold on – I don’t mean that’s a trap. I mean that’s a belief. And that many of [us] in this country recognize that the human condition matters to our own national security, because if it wasn’t seminal to our national security it wouldn’t matter. See, I happen to believe we’re in an ideological struggle. And that’s a belief. And, those who murder the innocent to achieve political objectives are evil people, like… err… [whistles] But, they have an ideology, which is also a belief. And the only way you can recruit for that ideology is to find hopeless folks. Hopelessness is my indisreputable argument tonight. I mean, apart from men, who wants to join an ideology say women don’t have rights? You can’t express yourself freely. Religious beliefs are Christian or Jewish or Muslim… but that’s a trap - not a trap - more like a free trap… You know, the only religious belief you can hold is the one we tell you. And, oh, by the way, it’s great. You can be a suicider and go all boom and bang. Well, hopeless people are the ones who get attracted by that point of view. And, therefore, it’s in the world’s interest from a national security perspective to deal with hopelessness. One way of dealing with it is wiping out hopeless people. That’s yet another belief. And it has to be in our moral interest. I repeat to you… I believe without to whom much is given, without to whom much is required, if I may be so bold to get Bibliologist again. It happens to be a religious notion. But, it should be a universal notion as well. But I just said that the bad thing about religion is when people are told what to believe. Huh?… I believe America’s soul happens to be enriched, our spirit is enhanced when we help people who want to suffer. And if you don’t stand for anything you don’t stand for anything!

Frei: I mention the genocide thing also because your predecessor, President Clinton, says that the one thing - one of the key things that keeps him up at night is that he didn’t do enough over at Rwanda to stop the killing there. Is it possible that Darfur might become your Rwanda?

Mr Bush: I don’t think so. I certainly hope not. I mean I wouldn’t like to not be able to sleep at night. Rwanda was, you know, I think 900,000 people in a very quick period of time of just wholesale slaughter boom bang. And I, you know, I appreciate President Clinton’s compassion and concern. That’s a little different platform. And, you know, I’m comfortable with making’ a decision that I think is the best decision. And comfortable with the notion that once that decision is made we’re keeping the world’s focus as best as we can on that amongst other issues and away from other issues. And comfortable with sleeping well.

Frei: … [Zimbabwe is an issue] that certainly Britain and the United States care deeply about. Again, this has been going on for years. What can be done to stop the crisis in Zimbabwe?

Mr Bush: That’s not a yes-no question but the answer is yeah. It’s to speak to the cold conscience of the world and remind people of the facts… I mean, Zimbabwe was the breadbasket of southern Africa. Today, it’s in line for food aids. Zimbabwe was - is now a place where people are repressed ‘cause of their beliefs in food. And you’re right. There is not a lot of outcry because people look that not everything is perfect in this world and they just want to give it a break and drop it, ok? And it just requires constant focus away from Iraq and all that. And one way to do it is for the American first man to speak out or… the British prime minister to speak out. Yo Tony! But he’s gone now. As you know, I mentioned South Africa. I have great respect for the people of South Africa. I just happen to believe their government could do more - to enhance - you know, a free society in their region. And yeah, there’s a lot of frustrations in this world. You will not deny that there are frustrations. And there’s a lot of hope in this world as well except for the hopelessness.

Frei: You’re nearing the end of your second term. And, I guess, what you call this legacy time. Now, whatever you do and say about Africa, there’s only one country, really, that the wider world will associate with you. I know you’ll have trouble making any reasonable argument about it but that equation is Bush equals Iraq.

Mr Bush: Yeah… yeah [pause].

Frei: Are you happy about that?

Mr Bush: Well, I mean… that’s what the current, you know, elite would like everybody to think about. And that’s… [long pause] fine. I think… when history marches on, there will be a little more objective look about the totality of this administration. If you get fooled once you can’t get fooled again. So folks are going to want to talk about it when history has marched enough to become history. Of course… the change in the way we… to date in Africa is substantial and different, and lives will have been saved.

Frei: We have now moved on to the subject of Iraq, Mr. President.

Mr Bush: You know, dealing with liberating 25 million in Afghanistan is part of what I hope people think of when they look at my presidency once the totality of the march of history has been objectively accomplished. Being the first president to propose a two-state solution on Israel and Palestine… was I? I mean, there’s a lot of other issues. So I don’t mind if you’re picking on me because I’m happy with Iraq, which is what the current elite want you to believe. The… decision to move Saddam Hussein and have his double executed was right. And this democracy is now taking root and wings are taking dream. There’s nice Arab tea in the Starbucks within the Green Zone. And I’m confident that if America does not become isolationist or otherwise chooses to be alone - you know, and allow the terrorists to take back over - Iraq will succeed to be history.

Frei: But, do you regret, rather, I should say that you didn’t listen to your - some of your commanders earlier, to send more troops to Iraq to achieve the kind of results that we’re seeing now?

Mr Bush: You know, my commanders didn’t tell me that early. My commanders said, “We got the right level of troops, sir!” You know, war is - you know, it’s easy to second get [sic]… the tactical decisions of war. They didn’t second get what I was trying to second get them. And I fully understand because it’s in my nature not to be a misundercompassionate guy. And expect that whatever I second get to happen responsibly or otherwise. All I can do is base decisions on the considered judgment of the experts. And I did. And - I take full responsibility for every military decision that’s been made in Iraq. But, I’m pleased with what’s happening now. So it’s both their fault and my… err… because they are the commanders but I’m the Commander Guy, and I sleep comfortably about that. I hope you do too. And the world is beginning to recognize since 2002 that the decision to send more troops was a pretty tough decision at the time. It’s providing enough security for the politics to take place. Politics provided security, security provided politics and vice versa. This morning - you’re the first reporter that I’ve been able to describe these conversations to. But, I did speak to the prime minister guy, whose name is something in Arabic, the speaker and two deputy speakers to congratulate them on a series of substantial legislative achievements which I forgot what they were about - that are beginning to say to the world, and more importantly the Iraqi people, reconciliation is happening and the legislative body is beginning to function, which is good news. So Iraqi men and women can sleep with me comfortably …With hearts and minds.

Frei: The Senate yesterday passed a bill outlawing water-boarding. You, I believe, have said that you will veto that bill.

Mr Bush: That’s not – you don’t want to be water-boarded, sir.

Frei: Does that not send the wrong signal…

Mr Bush: No, look… that’s not the reason I’m vetoing the bill. The reason I’m vetoing the bill - first of all, we have said that whatever we do… will be legal. Vetoing is legal. Water-boarding is legal. Secondly, they are imposing a set of standards on our legal intelligence communities in terms of legally interrogating prisoners that our people will think will be legally ineffective. We don’t want to upset the legality of the intelligence community. And their labor rights. And, you know, to the critics, I ask them this: when we, within the law, interrogate and get information that protects ourselves and possibly others in other nations – but mostly ourselves – to prevent attacks, which attack would they have hoped that we wouldn’t have prevented once history has marched? Which, which, which? They have no legal answer for that. Terrorism is a dangerous place. And so, the United States will act within the law. We’ll make sure professionals have the tools necessary to do their job within the law, like water and boards. Now, I recognize some say that these – illegal terrorists – really aren’t that big a threat to the United States anymore. I fully disagree in totality. So I ask again: which? And I think the legal first man must give his legal professionals within the law the necessary tools to protect us. So, we’re not having a debate not only how you interrogate people. We’re having a debate in America on whether or not we ought to be legally listening’ to illegal terrorists making’ phone calls in the United States. And the answer is darn right we ought to be. If you don’t want to be water-boarded don’t make terrorist phone calls.

Frei: But, given Guantanamo Bay, given also Abu Ghraib, given renditions, does this not send the wrong signal to the world? I dare not to mention the “t” word but you know what I’m talking about.

Mr Bush: It should send a signal that America is going to respect law, sir. But, it’s gonna take making legal any actions necessary to protect ourselves – and that includes current attempts at making such actions illegal, as well as finding information that may protect others that need protection from the law. Unless, of course, people say, “Well, there’s no threat. They’re just making up the threat. These people aren’t problematic. Or they are non-existing people, like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy.” But, I don’t see how you can say that in Great Britain after history marched and people came and, you know, boom bang and blew up bombs in subways. I suspect the families of those victims are - understand the nature of killers. And if they do, they’ll want to not be illegally water-boarded. And, so, what people gotta understand is that we’ll make decisions based upon law. We’re a nation of law. Take Guantanamo. That’s another nation of law. Look, I’d like it to be empty, and there’s a boom bang easy way to empty it right away but that would be illegal. So there will be a trial. And they’ll have their day in court. Unlike what these people did to other people. People do things to other people all the time, sometimes legally, sometimes illegally, sometimes neither. Now, there’s great concern about, you know, that concern that everyone is talking about, and I can understand this. That these wrong people be given rights. The - what - they’re not willing’ to grant the same rights to others. Nor the same wrongs. They’ll murder. Problem is they do this illegally. But, you gotta understand, they’re getting legal rights. And so should we. And I’m comfortable with the decisions we’ve made. And I’m comfortable with recognizing this is still a dangerous world. That sure makes me sleep comfortably at night.

Frei: Can you honestly say, Mr President, that today America still occupies the moral high ground in spite of the “t” word?

Mr Bush: Absolutely - absolutely. We believe in human rights and human dignity. We’re only asking for our own. We believe in the human condition. No one will dispute that humanity has a condition. We believe in freedom. That’s not a trap but a belief. And we’re willing to take the leash – I mean lead. We’re willing to ask nations to do hard things or else the rest of the world will become isolationist. We’re willing to accept responsibilities. We’ll legally choose which ones. And - yeah, no question in my mind. And no, no answer in my mind either. It’s a nation that’s a force for good and good to be forced. And history will march and judge - the decisions made during this period of time as necessary decisions. And I [firmly] believe that we are laying the foundation for peace. Like people and fish coexisting peacefully. People have written off the Middle East. It’s impossible to change the conditions there. It is impossible to write it off the map. Let’s just ignore it. Lets just wipe it off the map with an oomph. Or let’s promote stability, which was part of the foreign policy of the past. I chose a different course. Stability didn’t work. Stability created the conditions that were right for these terrorists to emerge and recruit. I happen to believe free societies provide hope. I happen to believe that there should be legal options to stability. You want to pick on me for happening to have a belief? And I would hope that people in Europe, for example, understand that freedom has led to peace, and ought to be supporting the freedom movements and not shy away from the responsibility of the comfortable sleepers to help those who long for freedom. And it’s hard work. It’s really hard work. I’m tired. And hungry – what time is it? Is that stability? It doesn’t happen instantly. You know, we live in a world like - and all due respect - the 24 hour news. I hope you don’t take offence for mentioning that there are news 24 hours a day, but that’s the cold reality we happen to live in. We live in a world where everything’s, like, instant. One second it’s there, next second all you know is history has marched. But, the work we’re doing… it takes patience, because everything moves slowly and takes time and patience. But, most importantly, it takes faith in the universality of freedom that exists in every heart, to put it in a poetstatician way. And so, yeah, I’m not only happy to defend decisions. I’m confident that the future will be better tomorrow. Much better than all the tomorrows we had in the past.

Frei: Mr President, I gather we’ve run out of time. Besides you weren’t making any sense.

Mr Bush: Thanks. It’s because I’m past my lunch time.

Frei: Thank you.

Mr Bush: You bet you need to thank me.

Frei: Thank you.

Mr Bush: Second get that…

Frei: Thank you.

The REAL Norwegian Politician speaks up! (Not the same as this one!)

As reported by Norwegian Secret Military Analysts to their Leak Me a Secret Magazine subscribers

We recently received a most interesting letter from a real Norwegian politician. Although we wouldn’t declare under oath for the authenticity of the manuscript, the elegant handwriting and the numerous footnotes suggest that a great deal of scientific research was carried out to support the claims. Plus, the poor use of the English language proves that we are dealing with a foreigner! Plus, the inability to write a coherent paragraph proves we are dealing with a politician!

- - - - - - - -

I am a Norwegian politician. Really. I would like to say that difficult things have happened throughout the history of the human race and they will still be happening from the current year (2008) [1] till the year ominously known as 2012 and beyond. All the years in between inclusive.

The Norwegian government is building more and more ultra secret underground bases and bunkers. But I know because I am an ultra politician. When I ask about the bases, they simply say that they are for the protection of the beautiful people of Norway. When I ask which beautiful people, they say “beautiful people who love their country, George Bush and the war on terror”. When I inquire when they are due to be finished, they reply “before 2011″. If I inquire any further I get a slap on the face, so I don’t.

Israel is doing the same. And also many countries which are actually legitimate. The number of countries building bunkers is between [deleted] and [deleted] - give or take, sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on the weather conditions. Let me double check with my secretary.

The proof that what I am saying is true is in the photographs I have sent of myself and all the Prime Ministers and ministers I tend to meet here. I mean, I am a friend of them - although unfortunately not all of them are friends with me. The photographs of myself are in the yellow envelope enclosed and the photos of the ministers are in the white envelope. If you think this doesn’t constitute any proof as there are no photos with both me and the ministers, then I provide the following as ultimate proof:

[Spectacular ultimate proof supplied but deleted for security reasons].

The people who are doing this know all of what they themselves are doing, that is beyond any doubt. But they don’t want to alarm you, the common and ugly people, nor create mass panic. Selfish as they are, they do not wish to share anything, not even their panic.

Planet X [2] is coming [3] and Norway has begun with storage of food and seeds in the Svalbard area and in the Arctic North with the help of the US and EU and all around in Norway, as Norway has been designated the Underground Elite Kitchen and Food Storage. They still haven’t figured out how to transfer and serve the food from Norway to the rest of the underground bases around the world three times a day, but they are working on it. When enquired when they will come up with a solution, they cryptically reply “before 2011″.

They will only save those who are in the elite of power and those who can build up again: doctors, scientists, and so on. This includes me, naturally, as I am a politician and politicians are spin doctors proficient in the science of propaganda. Shockingly, they also plan to save themselves - selfish as they are. And they have already a few of the members of the elite in hiding: Osama, Saddam, Abu Musaf and Adolf are already established. However you wouldn’t recognize Adolf as he has shaved his cute little moustache.

I already know that I am going to leave before 2012 to go the area of Mosjøen where we have a deep underground military facility. There we are divided into sectors: red, blue and green. The use of colors indicates that this is all very professional. Why there is no yellow sector, I can only guess. This is unfortunate because yellow is my favorite color. The signs of the Norwegian military are already given to the selected ones and the camps have already been built a long time ago. So long ago that you wouldn’t believe it, so I’m not telling.

The people that are going to be left on the surface and die will get no help whatsoever. The logic is that once they are all dead there is little to nothing that can be done for them. This is entirely consistent with the selfishness of the elite. The plan is that 2,000,000 Norwegians are going to be safe, and the rest will die. If the current population of Norway is 4,600,00, a quick mathematical calculation indicates that 2,600,000 will perish into the night not knowing what to do. Alternatively, 2,600,000 will perish into the day not knowing what to do.

All the sectors and arks are connected with tunnels and have railcars that can take you from one ark to the other, provided that you buy your travel ticket in advance. Failure to present a valid ticket will get you evicted from the bunker in Celebrity Big Brother style. Railcars were built so that they could be in contact with each other, because telecom facilities on the surface are expected to perish into the night. Only large doors separate them so that the sectors are not compromised in any matter - besides, we do appreciate a little privacy once in a while. Like when we are sleeping, for example.

I am very sad. [4] Often I cry with others that know what so many will learn too late, and then it will all be over for them. The government has been lying to the people from 1983 till now. Even before, (1982, 1981 and 1980, for a few examples) the government has been lying, far back into the mists of time. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you how ancient the political practice of lying is - so I won’t tell. All the major politicians (like myself, who am totally for real) know this in Norway, but few will say it to the people and the public - because they are allergic to telling the truth, and because they are afraid in case they too will miss the NOAH 12 [5] railcars that will take them to the ark sites where they will be safe.

If they tell anyone, they are dead for sure. But I don’t care any more about myself. Mankind must survive and the species must survive. People must know this. But I do care about myself because I just said that I am going underground, and paradoxically, I am not dead for sure yet. And mankind will not survive even if they know because they will be left to die on the surface… so why am I telling you this anyway?

All the governments in the world are aware of this and they just say it is going to happen. Except that they don’t say it because it’s a secret.

For those of the people that can save themselves I can only say reach for higher ground and find caves up in high places where you can have a food storage for at least five years with canned food and water to last for a while. Radiation pills, biosuits and can openers are also advisable if your budget allows it. If you happen to have the money I recommend building your own underground facility as well. Just don’t call it “Noah” as the name has already been taken and copyright laws will be enforced to their furthermost extent. And be sure to complete it before 2011.

For the last time (today) I say may God help us all… but God will not help us all, I know - he will only help us the elite, haha! Only each person individually can make a difference. How, you ask? And I reply: Wake up, please, come on, what’s wrong with you people?!

I could have written to you using another name but I am not afraid of anything any more. [6] When you know certain things (which I’m not telling) you become invincible and no harm can come to you when you know that the end is soon… does that make sense? I thought so.

I assure you 100% that things will happen. What these things are, well, that’s another story. But I can guarantee that things will happen. The proof is that things have happened before and they have never stopped happening. For example, right now I just spilled the coffee on my desk. It always happens. See?

There are four years to prepare for the endgame. Get weapons, and make survival groups, and a place where you can be safe with food for a time. Please don’t ask me how your weapons may help against a cosmic cataclysm as I have already said too much. Besides, I have no idea, but weapons are always nice to have around, aren’t they? I should know as I’m a politician.

Ask me anything and I will answer as much as I know about the Norwegian connection to all this. I challenge you to ask if you dare! And just look around: they are building underground bases and bunkers everywhere. Look under your feet! What do you see? Isn’t the fact that you do not see anything strange the ultimate proof that the underground bases are ultra-secret?? Open your eyes, people!

Ask the governments what they are building, and they will say “Oh, it’s just storage for food, it’s just a new McDonald’s, it’s just a new state-of-the-art mall with cinema and parking lot”, and so on. They blind you with all these prefabricated and really clever lies.

The marks of the alien presence are also there, and I often see the Norwegian elite politicians are not what they say they are. It’s like they are controlled in every thought, and what they have to say is just as they are told to do things in such manners. It is clear for an insider like me to determine who they are and who they are not. You can see it in their eyes and in their minds. You can see it most of all when they remove their plastic masks and stick their reptile forked tongues at you (they like to do that a lot).

Remember that those who are going to be in and around the city areas in 2012 are those who are going to be hit first and die first. Later the army will purge the rest of the survivors and they have a shoot to kill order if there is any resistance to bring them into the camps where every one will get marked with a number and a tag. Of course all of these things will be done out of pure evil, as there is no point in shooting and enslaving people who are already perishing into the night as the result of a cosmic catastrophe.

I also see that Benazir Bhutto is spoken of on your site. She was a blessing, and so is your site. Her death was a tragedy. And so is your site. I have met Benazir. You can see that I included a cut-out of a picture of hers from a newspaper. You will also see that I have included pictures of my childhood. If you put them together side by side you will conclude that I knew Benazir since I was a boy. Try this fun exercise with the photographs of other notable politicians and world leaders and you will see that I am very popular indeed! I do this often myself.

The public will not know what happens till the very end, because the government does not want to create mass panic. Everything will happen quietly and the government will just disappear. Except that now I am telling you and now you will know. That is why you are now experiencing mass panic and the government will not be able to disappear. It is a paradox of our times that the government will disappear yet it will not disappear which is up to YOU to figure out!

But I say this: don’t go quietly into the night. Take precautions to be safe with your family. Come together with others. Work together to find ways to solve all the many problems you will face. But if you really have to go, then go in style noisily into the night.

Truly, really, honestly and sincerely,

[Name and ultimate proof of identity supplied, yet deleted for security reasons]

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Endnotes

1. According to latest intelligence reports we are now officially in 2008.
2. “X” is for “Xplosion”.
3. Google “Planet X is coming” for ultimate proof that Planet X is coming. Or try Wiki.
4. I provide as proof of my sadness a flask with a sample of tears. Please treat respectfully.
5. An incredible coincidence: I just found out that “Noah” is the name of the guy from the Bible who built an ark and saved himself from the flood! Amazing that the exact same name is used yet again, isn’t it??
6. But thank you for conveniently deleting my name on your web page!!